Archive for the ‘searching’ Tag

Searching for magic   Leave a comment


I follow the rules of fashion
And the insensitive contracts of a corporation
And when MS-Word changes its dictionary
I obey and quietly change my childhood grammar.


I wonder, smoking outside my window
If twenty years later any of them would exist
I wonder, if they die faster than I,
then why do I care about them so much, beyond my own life?


I am on auto-pilot, now waking up out of routine
I am trying to be what my dreams urge me to be
And yet there are times I exhale and forget,
Switch back to an old theory of how I must wait for fate.


I am not a boat moored out
gazing at some beacon afar
I wonder, putting out my flatscreen
If twenty years later I want to find myself
On a couch more modest than the one I am on
Still waiting to be rescued, from my own laze?


Looking good, she talks well,
her mind is obstinate and she’s curious as a child
All of this they say of me, but I still wait to impress…
myself in all this vague search for something to connect
searching for magic in this world split apart
one preaching the pleasure of forbidden in tones of sin
one breathing life into the death it has been.


I can reach for my large circle
of tweets and statuses only to grope
at something outside me that fades
faster than the arid, cold nights
I’ve stood battling in my head
At the door of closure I’m afraid to let go
Searching for magic outside my fake colors
I am just whispering in the nude
Wanting to feel the bare skin on my back,
as I rest myself against the same window
As twenty years ago…
With the lights passing by…
exposed to the damp wind that blows out my fire
the streetlights finally fuse…
And I turn away, searching for magic…
Inside.

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Posted July 10, 2010 by Deepti G Gujar in nouvelles poèmes

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