Sometimes the heart is heavy
with things left unsaid,
We wait for the appropriate moment
Hope that the words come out right
That we really are able to say
what has been swirling endlessly
between the heart and the head
But that moment waits, alongwith us
As we look at the future,
the future looks back at us,
As we wait for the person to connect,
somewhere that person stares
Until that thunderclap within
alerts us to the real meaning
this action to be taken
is not for the other’s sake
listen to your own heart
write what it wants to share
who knows what is really happening
at the other end?
Is assuming safer than relying on the unknown?
I break this spell of silence
write to you for clearing my chest
Like the telegram in those old days,
I don’t know what is on your side
And for now, I am embracing this boldness
of stepping up to say
what I had learnt to keep as a secret.

 

drifting in and out through the sheets
wondering what in your room I am doing
there’s a blank screen in front of me
and an empty slate that I am living

unlit candles fragrant on the bedside
unscheduled delays bringing us closer
echoes of the sarangi in a forgotten place
companion to the silence in our embrace

keep me at the back of your heart
lock that door and keep the key to yourself
and when time cheats you by going too slow
escape indoors to that vast moonfield memory
that exists only for you.

Courtesy Rumi page on Facebook

there’s a mountain of grief
separating you from me
not because you have hurt me
but because i carry a baggage so heavy

i would like to bring you light
but when i look within i see nothing
but hallways of silence gathering dust
there are no pleasant memories

i am at these crossroads
waiting to embrace even a flicker
if only i could find that face,
that holds that shine…

in you i see my face breathing tomorrow
a life free from past sorrow
held by your soft hands filled with grace
beyond the heart breaks

time ticks its way in my head
i’ve come a long, long way
kicking my feet in the dust
i am gathering all my courage, asking
is light what I really wanted…

Butterflies explode from her chest
Finding their own way into delight
Each one having its own flower
While she is running barefeet
in a flowering cotton field

Lavender finds white butterflies
Poppies suckled by the yellows
As she reigns in her kingdom
of a vast blue sky,
and pockets filled with beads

The only strings that exist
are the ones humming chords
in her mind’s cathedral spaces
every chime far beyond rhythm

now there is no need for anyone
to hold up the mirror
as she finds the rivers flourishing
with happiness too excited to care
about stillness punctuating time

Ah…my sweet dolce vita
will you gush out your secret
all together at once in one whisper
to annihilate the storms into
one single flame of a candle
born from the reverse
of light transcending to void?

I’ve lost all I had
the memories are all gone
robbed by a stranger in need of glory
of a fancy phone looking pretty

here i am walking alone
the clouds above will pour anytime
and i shall be out of reach
as i wonder who will call…

who calls when i am weeping
who calls when i am breaking
into pieces that i am still struggling
to make into one complete picture
who calls when the nights are filled
with mind numbing chatter
who calls when your mother is sick
when she is the only one who can comfort you

i am dreaming of a morning
even if it happens with a few dim stars
and a moon wobbling
i am waiting for my soul to call
to draw me close in its arms
to end the wait for a man who won’t care
that i am beyond reach in the wee of hours

who calls when you feel delirious
who calls when you discover contentment
is beyond a feeling that comes
from doing everything right
who calls when the mornings are filled
preparing for a shock that would hit later
who calls when you are lying in bed wondering
where you missed the point of your existence

i’ve lost all the time
that i was struggling to redeem
he who stole my phone relieved me
of my baggage as expensive as Gucci

here i am riding alone
the rains seeping through my jeans
and there is no music in my ears
as i wonder who I’d be listening…
but me.

Sometimes there is nothing left to say
in a vast moment of grace
when thoughts of you have blown up a storm in my head
“why do I yearn for you?”, I ask myself

I look up at the empty skies
birds swirl without any noise
I ask them what is your secret?
they say we never hide..

An ocean keeps its depth quiet
I gaze at you waiting for thoughts to settle
watching a caravan of sadness pulled along by love…
across castles turning to dust

You turn to me and ask, “what are you searching?”
“That which I hold too tightly…”
“Love?” he asks, amused,
Angry, I throw the seed I was clutching

The glass shatters
its colors scatter
the birdsong soars
raining kaleidoscopes

ball of flame,
rolling in the open sky
watching everyone
with spaces so wide
flaming and burning
she wants to explode
breathing heavily
she wants to let go

rebel child wakes up
next to a man
who could lead her
into a glory path
but oneness is all
on her tiny mind
a peephole into
a universe so wild
she spits in anger
rattles the saviour
wants to tear her hair
go bald feeling the wind
on her naked head
and yet she wants
to stay masked
thinking she loses
her only weapon
if she let’s someone in
undoing the mystery
for when he leaves
she will be empty

meteor tamed
is the story broken
he must drag her
to the pain of truth’s snare
let it snap,
let her fall,
and when she gets up
let her be
the strongest of ’em all.

As the big puzzle becomes clear
Pieces of me join back together
Where through time did I lose you?
The sky shudders as you come near

Moving from my heart to my lips
Moving from loneliness to bliss
Moving through this pain into suffering
Moving into the life that is unravelling

As I experience this pull
It robs me of all silence I held dear
The shattering of tenderness that this takes on
The screams explode to bring oneness on

This fight in me wrecks me further
Whether it is safe to be with you
Or in my cage of desperate ignorance
This time I choose to give in to trust
Hoping to be undone from this insane division

Keep my secret safe in your heart
I am scared to be betrayed should you share
If only I could find a ear that can contain
All the grief this child has locked up in vain

Each day I turn more deaf
Growing numb from the false stories
That just point to the Beloved
“Show me your face”, I hear myself say
Please open your arms and let me experience grace.

He would wake so early
tune up the violin and play melody
I would be listening to his song
even before I could learn to hum
His music flowed like love in my blood
long before my face was even formed

He would come back halfway
after having left for his workplace
a red red balloon floating behind him
as I watched him eagerly from the balcony
on my giddy feet wobbling in the winter
long before I knew he was my father

He gave me an arpeggio
and taught me to surrender
my hero, he is so gentle
showed me beauty lies in the tender
He is an eternal child
giggling at this silly life
even as I struggle to analyze
He holds this sparkle in his eyes
more infectious than any wine
the man who pieced us back
with a few tears shed in agony
Who made us feel like one family
is the one who could give
everything up for peace
He’s that man who built me

He would watch his movies
crying everytime at the same scenes
He’d cover my books and polish my shoes
Cut my nails and give me algebra clues
He made sure I sang every note perfectly
Long before I saw the artist in me

He gave me a Casio
and taught me to wonder
my hero, he is so humble
Showed me love lies in the simple
He is an eternal child
innocent to its passing by
Even as I struggle to understand
what makes him feel so delighted
My world going madder everyday
the man who found us back
From the few years lost in tragedy
Who made us feel like one family
is the one who could give
his dreams up for his lady
He’s that man who built me

Sometimes I wish I could run to a man
who is too old for me
and beg him to stay like only a lover can…

Sometimes I wish I could fly away
to a man with a ring
who has long strayed from that thing called marriage

Sometimes I wish I could dance all night
with an officer who once
gave me his heart that midnight in the naked moonlight

Sometimes I wish I could sail away
To an island of lilies
where I can meet all of these
And laugh, drink and talk about how we were so silly
To never have seen the lovers…
we could’ve been

I am a lady with a child’s spirit
Tried to give myself to a vase
Broke it when I gave an ocean
Now I am searching for a mountain
who could have me flowing like a stream

Stream girl…
Looking for the way downward
Hoping to get her dreams unfurled
So she could flow into a new world
Where she can live unstrung

Sometimes I wish I could live
With the man who makes me tea
who wants me to paint his walls to discover me

~ * ~